She Needn't Have Studied... Homework Helper Repeating Grades

A terrifying thought just occurred to me: I have eight children.
I already knew I had eight children. What I realized is that I have
eight children who will have to do science fair projects, term papers
and relief maps.
If I had known when I was going through school that I would be
repeating grades kindergarten through 12 over and over, I surely
wouldn't have studied so hard I wouldn't have holed up in my
room doing geometry problems in 1963 when I could have been
cruising Main Street and the Dog 'n' Suds Drive-In looking for
boys, had I known I'd be taking the class again in 1988.
There is homework, and then there is Homework. I can handle
the spelling words. math problems and grammar. It is the Homework
with a capital H, which I can't help do while I read the
newspaper, cook dinner, a talk on the phone, that is the problem.
It is these big assignments that set my teeth to grinding and my
heart to pounding.
Whenever one of my offspring announces it is time to do a
science fair project, write a term paper with bibliography or build a
model of the Alamo with Q-tips, I panic.
I get a tremendous desire to wish it all away, which I do until the
avoidable becomes unavoidable and the assignment is due.
My problem is I'm not interested enough in white mice to invite
them into my home and then act as their fitness coach.
I don't have the time to assemble scraps of paper with valuable
research recorded illegibly on why Charles Lindbergh's plane was
controversial.
I'm not good at constructing a historical landmark out of materials
otherwise used for dental hygiene or making frozen treats with
Kool-Aid
Naturally, these assignments shouldn't be my problem. After all,
my child is the one who was assigned the projects in school, right?
How come I don't believe that logic?
The student is the one who has to be in charge of the projects the
mom or dad can't take over. The child may be forever blowing
in the wind if he does not get to conduct his experiment - what
happens to an electric fan when you stick stuff in its blades - the
way he wanted to do it
I'd just as soon choose the project and do the whole thing
myself, but it doesn't work that way. I always end up doing it their
way.
We also do it according to their timetable, which is always at the
last minute. Of course, I'm told it is my fault when I get hysterical
because we have six hours to conduct a six-week experiment,
"You should have told me to start sooner," the student says as we
drive around trying to find a store still open at 11 p.m, that sells the
mixture needed to simulate a volcanic eruption from a model made
of crumpled and painted grocery sacks.
"This really isn't my problem and I should forget helping out and
let you suffer the consequences," I say. We both know this will
never happen.
The moral to this is aimed at teachers with grading pens poised.
Remember that behind every project, term paper and experiment is
a parent who wants a good grade.
March 9, 1988