Mom Finished Her Homework in the Eighth Grade

School is a great idea for children, not only for the obvious
reason that it gets them out of the house every day, but because
they learn all sons of things they need to know, such as that their
pants have to be really narrow at the ankle or the cuffs rolled up.
In the morning our house is hectic. The children get up, get
dressed, eat, find their book bags, lunch money, lunches or showand-
tell items, then leave.
For the next several hours, the confusion is cut in half. This sigh
of relief is necessary to get ready for the post-school activities that
include homework.
As soon as my students get home, I start asking about homework.
I would tell them to immediately get started on the assignments, but
even I know that is a crazy notion.
There's no way any of my family can start homework right away.
First they need to scatter their school books over the table, drop
coats and gym clothes on a chair or the floor, mess up the kitchen
getting something to eat and finally flop in front of the television.
While all of this is going on, I'm inquiring about the homework.
The usual response is, "How come you never buy anything good to
eat?" or "Isn't there any more strawberry jelly?"
During dinner I again ask the children what homework they
have. Patrick says he has "Stuff' to do. Maureen says, "You already
asked me that."
"Yes," I say, "and you never answered me:'
Machaela says, "Spelling words. I already told you that." And
Colleen says, "Everything:'
When they are finally ready to begin homework, I want to read
the newspaper, so I listen to Machaela's spelling words between
reading letters to Ann Landers and have Maureen practice reading
on the "Hints to Heloise" column.
When Colleen comes downstairs and asks for help with social
studies, I say, "Why don't you ask Dad for help?"
"Couldn't you just do it?" she begs. "Last time I asked Dad what
year the Civil War was, he made me read three different articles in
the encyclopedia, he got out maps showing scenes of battles and
talked forever about something called the Emancipation
Proclamation:'
Just as I'm thinking about going to bed, Patrick brings me his
"stuff' to look over. Usually it is in English grammar that he needs
help.
Since I'm tired. I tell him I've already been through eighth grade
and I finished all my homework assignments then.
"Good," Patrick says. ''Then you can do this real fast:'
But that isn't true. Each time I have to read up on active and
passive verbs or independent and dependent clauses before I can
correct his sentences.
I know I'm making this homework business sound like a big
deal. Those of you who don't have school-age children or those of
you who have responsible kids (if there is such a kind) who don't
need a drill sergeant to get them through the daily assignments must
by happy that you can use your evenings to fill out your income tax
returns instead doing long division problems.
Sometimes, though, homework can be fun. On a recent long car
trip Patrick asked me to look over a descriptive speech he was to
make about a classmate. First I corrected his spelling and made
some grammatical changes. then I saw a few points he could
elaborate on.
I rearranged some of his paragraphs so the speech would have a
better flow. then I suggested a few anecdotes about his friend to
make the speech more interesting.
I was having a great time. Each new line inspired me to write
something even more clever. I thought to myself, "I'm making this
speech so wonderful I wish I could give it to Patrick's class."
Patrick must have read my mind because he said, "Mom, I
thought you already finished eighth grade."
"Sure," I answered. "but my mother did all my fun assignments."
January 29, 1986