It used to be that heading a young women’s list in planning a wedding was finding Mr. Right. I’m not sure it is anymore.
The time necessary for choosing the china, deciding on the flowers, planning the table decorations, finding the caterer, reserving the church and picking a place for the reception seems to diminish the importance of the lifelong decision you make when you choose a spouse.
Until recently, I had no idea that planning a wedding could be such a big deal. My wedding was quite a while ago, so either I had forgotten what getting married entailed or I was too naïve or maybe too blinded by love to notice.
It’s not so any longer. My sister’s wedding was last month, John’s sister’s is this month, and my college-girl helper’s is next month.
It seems as if all my conversations revolve around weddings. I’ve been shuffling information from bride to bride.
Depending on whom I’m talking to I’ll say, “Kerry is going to spray her flower girl’s basket white.” Mary Pat’s cake top was made out of flowers.” Marg wants all the nieces to carry baskets of flowers.”
All the brides are trying to figure out how to achieve the overall effect they have dreamed their wedding would have, and I’ve been busy giving them, free of charge of course, my opinion.
I tell them “How I like,” which is what the florist in Germany – where I was married – told me.
He said, “How I like, one bouquet on one side of the alter,” as he demonstrated by running back and forth through his shop, “and one bouquet over there.” It didn’t seem to matter to him that I didn’t want red gladiolus on the alter at my wedding since “how he like” was “what I got.”
My children have become intrigued with the wedding shower ritual. They can’t understand how there can be so many different types of showers.
I flew back to my hometown for two showers for my sister, Mary Pat. One was a luncheon given at a restaurant. We gave what Machaela called a private shower for Kerry, where she received pretty nighties and lingerie for her trousseau.
The next week, the girls and I went to a house wares shower at Grandma’s house for her good friend’s daughter. Many of the guests received door prizes. Last week there was a shower in the church hall for Marg. The gifts were mostly for the kitchen or bath, and there was a clothes pin drawing for door prizes.
What was most remarkable about that shower, according to Machaela, was that Johnny and mike attended. “Boys at a shower? Won’t everyone think that’s funny.”
She and Maureen were really confused the next night when there was a couples shower for Marg and her “intended,” Steve. I was overwhelmed with questions.
“Will Steve be the only boy there?” “Is Dad going to go?” “Do grooms have showers, too, where everyone gives them nighties and underwear presents?”
Getting married is a process often lamented by the parties involved. But it acts as a test of steadfast love.
If the bride, groom and their parents weather the prenuptial storms reasonably unscathed (emotionally, at least – it would be impossible not to suffer monetarily), making the marriage work should seem easy.
I’m not at all worried about the times when I will have to plan our daughters’ weddings. I know everything will go beautifully, just as long as we do it “How I like.”July 3, 1985
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